i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
