He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
