The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
