My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
you would pick up someone in the library
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
