Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
