You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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