I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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