I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
