i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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