Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize