Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
