A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
