bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
