I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
