I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize