You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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