i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sober January is a disaster.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
