I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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