just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
