I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
