we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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