I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
