I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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