Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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