And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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