yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
two words: eviction party
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
