I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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