Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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