She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Randomize
