i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
