I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
