I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
