i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
