Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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