After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
