Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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