Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
