3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
