I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
