I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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