i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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