i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
