Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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