When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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