y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
