what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
