chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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