turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
There r osticjed everywhere
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
