whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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