PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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