We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
