Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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