the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
