I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
where does the pee come out of this thing
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
