I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I pour the whiskey from now on
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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