WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
