Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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