Say something about gay babies.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
