im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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