OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
