I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
