Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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