i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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