Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
