Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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