Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
