It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
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