This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize