i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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