Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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