Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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