i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
