im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
