i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
