dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
