At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
