just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
