there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
