On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
