the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
