There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
