it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
