did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
