Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
