No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
