My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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