yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I have tasted many bathrooms
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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