the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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