you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
