She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
