where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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