so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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