its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize