I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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