Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
