I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
