It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
