Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
