it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
