I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
