Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I want to make a zoo with you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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