awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
