And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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