Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
