come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
