saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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